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Hiya my beautiful people!
So. I've been trying to write this post for ~ two months now! I think it kind of reflects my year, don't you? Every time in the last two months that I've sat down to try and write about my year, it's like there's a block there, in my mind. No matter how hard I've been trying to put a positive spin on it, the honest truth about my first year at Oxford is that - it kind of sucked! A lot! I've already talked in previous posts about how hard I've found it academically, and my struggles with mental health - so what's new? Well, I thought I'd sit down and think hard about why I actually want to do this post.
I guess it was an easy idea - a word vomit about how difficult I had found every aspect of uni life. I wanted people to read it and relate to what I was going through. But sometimes, the truth of experiencing mental illness is that you don't want to sit down and write about it for everyone to see publicly. You don't want to admit that you've had a pretty rough time. Because everyone around you, everyone who supported your application to this wonderful place, who has known you since you were little and thinks you're a star - they expect you to have taken it all in your stride. Acing exams, doing all sorts of extracurriculars, struggling but in a cute 'I'm a broke student' kind of way. Even now, I find it terrifying and shameful to admit that being at Oxford ain't all that.
So, this time - I'm going to refrain from a long, wordy essay! You can't say I don't keep you guys interested. Instead of focusing on last year, I want to think about the here and now. What I'm loving right now, what I'm hoping for the future. So watch this space, because creative Memoona has finally got her pen in her hand (keyboard under her fingers?) and is ready to blog again.
What I do want to say before popping off to bake some brownies, is that my experience is just that - it's mine. Many people in my year have absolutely loved being at Oxford this year; very few have gone through it without some trials or tribulations. I love Oxford. I love the city, I love my college, I love the friends I've made there. Let's hope this following year and beyond, I can get back on my own two feet and start to enjoy my time here.
I hope y'all are having the best summers! I'll see you soon, and until then...
Love,
SS xx